My Life

My life right now is great. I just finished college last December and right now I've been looking for a job. I just got an interview. If it doesn't work out I will just look as it as another experience. It is at a clothing store called Coldwater Creek. It is close to home and am really excited for what could happen. Even though, its not a career its experience I need for another job that I will get later in my life. I am very excited for this opportunity. Even if I don't get this job, I will be happy for the interviewing practice. But I am hoping to get it.

My Life Right

No Voice

I may not talk in words that are easy to hear.
It may come out in jumbles that aren’t always clear.
I use gestures and other ways.
I communicate through my hands and my blank gaze.
I love life and am often confined.
These are the walls I put up and hide behind.
In this world I have got to find my place
Sometimes it is gone.
And then I get mixed up and can’t seem to belong.
I don’t seem to know the right way to go.
And sometimes I can loose all since of control.
I need someone to keep me focused and I will need someone’s protection.
I will need someone to keep me going and point me in the right direction.
I needed to accomplish little things to get where I am
I sometimes say things and nobody will understand.
I think the angels gave me to the right person
You are the one they picked.
The angels knew you would never give up
They knew you would never quit.
Life keeps going even if some things might get out of hand.
The angels put you here for a reason its all what they had planned.
They brought me to you for a reason to chance something that you didn’t have before
They brought me to you to open another door.
The angels were calling your sweet name
Reminding you that your life will never be the same.

Denise Rouffaer

Getting there

I have just graduated from Cal State San Marcos. I never thought I would make it this far. It has been quite a journey. I loved the ride but I'd get so frustrated with why I was so slow in getting there. I am so grateful to share it with all of my friends. I love them so much. I've had so many obstacles in my life. I've had meningitis and that is one of the hugest obstacle in the world that I've had to tackle. I don't know what my life would have been like if I didn't have meningitis but it has made me stronger and I am a better person because of it.

Still Getting There

When my life isn't perfect
And things are not done my way,
I just need to remind myself that I will get there some day.
I need to get out of this place that I have been.
I need some kind of direction
When I wanted to win.
My life is turning
And I don't know which way to go.
But I'm standing still as I try to gain control.
People tell me I must move on
I try to be brave and pretend to be strong.
Its a hard thing to do when there is no one around.
I have fallen in the darkest hole and need someone to help me off the ground.
You were there to save me.
Someone was there to listen.
Because I just wanted someone to listen.
It hurts and I don't know where to turn.
Because someone has to help me up
Even if it is hard to learn.
I'm ok, I think
People say I just need to give it time.

Denise Rouffaer

Getting Through This

Getting Through This

I don’t really know how to get there from here.
I just need to know how I can get there.
This is just the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
But I will also need a little help from you.
People try and help but I don’t know which way to go.
And it is so hard not to loose all since of control.
I can’t really help it because this is how I feel.
My pain comes and goes and it is quite real.
Some days will be fine but people tell me I need to move on.
But its so hard when I feel this way because I need to be strong.
I want to keep on going and pretend that I am fine
But inside I’m hurting and that goes on all the time.
When will this end?
I need to know.
I need another type of closure to tell me where he did go.
I want to stop feeling this way
Please help me get out of this feeling I feel today.
Because I need to keep going in a life that doesn’t slow down
I am still hurting inside because he is just not around.
Sometimes I sit and just call out his name
Because in my life it has to keep going even if no one can stop my pain.
I just want my pain to leave its here day after day.
Why won’t it ever leave and when will it go away?
I need to think of other things.
I wanted to say more but could think of anything else to say.
Its not fair that he had to leave me this way.
I want some answers as I look at the sky.
But its too late to go back and no one wants me to know why.
Why did he leave me its not fair
This thing in life is just getting harder and harder for me to bare.
I want to find answers but no one can see.
Why is this thing in life so hard for me?
Denise Rouffaer

Where Can I Turn?

Where Can I Turn?

What is waiting for me as this might be the lesson I learn
When will I get better and where can I turn
Life has many lessons
I want to see.
But all the answers are out of my reach
They are not in front of me.
I want to get answers as I begin to find,
But some are harder than others
They are easy to hide behind.
I need to find them
I need to search
I am struggling with answers and have made a turn for the worst.
All I want to do is get on the right track
God wants me there and he doesn’t want me to look back.
He is leading me on a path and now I must go.
But I may get lost somewhere and find myself out of control.
He knows I might get steered the wrong way,
But I know I will get there and make it ok.
I know He is the greatest thing and He has a much bigger plan
There are always going to be things in life I can’t fully understand.
Help me understand please
I can’t do this without someone there.
All I ask is that you be aware.
Aware that I’m hurting
I can’t let anyone see.
I only hope that he was proud of me.

7-9-09 Denise Rouffaer