Getting there

I have just graduated from Cal State San Marcos. I never thought I would make it this far. It has been quite a journey. I loved the ride but I'd get so frustrated with why I was so slow in getting there. I am so grateful to share it with all of my friends. I love them so much. I've had so many obstacles in my life. I've had meningitis and that is one of the hugest obstacle in the world that I've had to tackle. I don't know what my life would have been like if I didn't have meningitis but it has made me stronger and I am a better person because of it.

Still Getting There

When my life isn't perfect
And things are not done my way,
I just need to remind myself that I will get there some day.
I need to get out of this place that I have been.
I need some kind of direction
When I wanted to win.
My life is turning
And I don't know which way to go.
But I'm standing still as I try to gain control.
People tell me I must move on
I try to be brave and pretend to be strong.
Its a hard thing to do when there is no one around.
I have fallen in the darkest hole and need someone to help me off the ground.
You were there to save me.
Someone was there to listen.
Because I just wanted someone to listen.
It hurts and I don't know where to turn.
Because someone has to help me up
Even if it is hard to learn.
I'm ok, I think
People say I just need to give it time.

Denise Rouffaer

Getting Through This

Getting Through This

I don’t really know how to get there from here.
I just need to know how I can get there.
This is just the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
But I will also need a little help from you.
People try and help but I don’t know which way to go.
And it is so hard not to loose all since of control.
I can’t really help it because this is how I feel.
My pain comes and goes and it is quite real.
Some days will be fine but people tell me I need to move on.
But its so hard when I feel this way because I need to be strong.
I want to keep on going and pretend that I am fine
But inside I’m hurting and that goes on all the time.
When will this end?
I need to know.
I need another type of closure to tell me where he did go.
I want to stop feeling this way
Please help me get out of this feeling I feel today.
Because I need to keep going in a life that doesn’t slow down
I am still hurting inside because he is just not around.
Sometimes I sit and just call out his name
Because in my life it has to keep going even if no one can stop my pain.
I just want my pain to leave its here day after day.
Why won’t it ever leave and when will it go away?
I need to think of other things.
I wanted to say more but could think of anything else to say.
Its not fair that he had to leave me this way.
I want some answers as I look at the sky.
But its too late to go back and no one wants me to know why.
Why did he leave me its not fair
This thing in life is just getting harder and harder for me to bare.
I want to find answers but no one can see.
Why is this thing in life so hard for me?
Denise Rouffaer

Where Can I Turn?

Where Can I Turn?

What is waiting for me as this might be the lesson I learn
When will I get better and where can I turn
Life has many lessons
I want to see.
But all the answers are out of my reach
They are not in front of me.
I want to get answers as I begin to find,
But some are harder than others
They are easy to hide behind.
I need to find them
I need to search
I am struggling with answers and have made a turn for the worst.
All I want to do is get on the right track
God wants me there and he doesn’t want me to look back.
He is leading me on a path and now I must go.
But I may get lost somewhere and find myself out of control.
He knows I might get steered the wrong way,
But I know I will get there and make it ok.
I know He is the greatest thing and He has a much bigger plan
There are always going to be things in life I can’t fully understand.
Help me understand please
I can’t do this without someone there.
All I ask is that you be aware.
Aware that I’m hurting
I can’t let anyone see.
I only hope that he was proud of me.

7-9-09 Denise Rouffaer

I Will Be Praying

I will be praying

I will be saying a little prayer for you tonight
Because life might not go perfect but its going to be alright.
I will be thinking of you day by day
Reminding you that you are going to be ok.
I look at you for a long while.
You are as bright as a star and make me smile.
There are days when life seems like its not on your side and you might ask yourself why.
That’s when you need me the most when it looks like you can’t try.
I’ll be there even on your worst day.
I’ll be there when things might not go your way.
I’ve seen all the places you’ve been
Even on your worst days when you think you just couldn’t win.
There are days when you won’t want to hold anyone’s hand.
That’s when I’ll be there for you because you’ll need someone to help you understand.
There are times when all we can do is pray.
That is when we have to be the strongest when things might not go your way.
I say this from my heart
Life gets a little bumpy sometimes but that may only be a start.
You can do this
I know you can
God is looking down on us and he has a bigger plan
So when life isn’t perfect please look up at the sky.
I’m only there to encourage you even if you start to cry.
It will be the only thing I have from above.
The strength I got from Him is rapped in His love.

6-8-09
Denise Rouffaer

Time Will Heal Me

Time Will Heal Me

I need some answers when I begin to ask why
But I don’t want anyone to see me if I begin to cry.
I needed to say something but couldn’t find the right word.
I was trying to understand something that I heard.
I missed my chance and needed to say.
But I could never get the words to come out the right way.
People try to tell me things that I will never quite understand.
But things never seem to go exactly as I planned.
I want to thank them but can’t seem to get there.
And I don’t want people to think that I just don’t care.
I want people to know that I appreciate them and all that they try and do.
I just don’t know how to feel and its all pretty knew.
I just don’t know how anyone that goes through this is supposed to act
And I’m just trying to keep in tact.
I don’t know if I can focus for a long while
And its hard to keep my head up and its even hard to smile.
I loved him with all my heart
And in my mind we will never be apart.
Denise Rouffaer

Thanks

Thanks

I wanted to say thanks to all my friends
You were there when I needed you most.
Its nice I can depend on you
Its been hard for me to carry on
I’m trying to deal with things and I pretend to be strong.
Inside I’m hurting
I just want him back.
But God doesn’t make mistakes
He kept him on track.
He made us have tears and I have to weep
It keeps me up at night and sometimes its hard to sleep.
Its hard to keep going and I don’t like to complain
But its hard to keep going I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
It hurts inside me
Will this pain go away?
It is here in the morning and day after day.
I need to remember.
All I want to do is write my thoughts down.
But the words can’t make you come back.
I just want you to be around.
Denise Rouffaer